


Until Then, My Love

by iStygianEmpress (iDarkEmpress)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Modern AU, Oneshot, Reincarnation, Sickness, erenxlevi - Freeform, ereri, riren - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iDarkEmpress/pseuds/iStygianEmpress
Summary: Ever since I was a kid, I always have these vivid, progressive dreams. It took long enough for me to know that it's my past life.Now, I looked for him again, looked for the man that I loved and is still loving, only to be torn apart by life's cruel ways.So, until then, my love.*****Sorry for the horrible title, description and everything. I'll fix it when I have better ones.Disclaimer: Attack on Titan and the cover photo isn't mine. Credits to Hajime Isayama and the artist. Only the plot is mine.





	Until Then, My Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot I've written a year ago. I already uploaded all of the things I'm publishing here on Wattpad and I'm trying a new platform so, yeah.
> 
> Anyway, I would like to hear what you think about it after you read this. I'm always open for constructive criticism.
> 
> Enjoy.

Do you ever got that reoccurring dream, a dream so vivid that it feels like you're there in person? A dream where every single thing feels so real, everything that's happening around you is etched in the deepest part of your mind?

I started having those dreams when I was kid. I always asked my parents about it, but they always answer the same thing.

_"Those are just dreams, sweetheart. It's impossible that there are giant human creatures-or Titans as you said-that existed."_

Of course I believed them. I was only a kid. But still, the dreams kept on coming, kept on being progressive. I also saw some of my friends in there. We were in a military, belonging to the brigade which went out of the walls that protect humanity from the titans. I watched some of them be eaten, died in a numerous ways possible. Every single expedition many people died that I stopped keeping count on it. In my dream I have the ability to turn into a titan, and was granted the title of "Humanity's Hope". Every single night that I dreamed, I always found myself waking up with cold sweat. The dreams were just so brutal it made my guts wrench, wanting me to heave. But in all of those horrible things, there are also some events that are worth remembering, dreams that made my heart pump so fast and my stomach feel tied in blissful knots.

In all those pleasant dreams, I always see the same person. A stoic, cold man with steely grey eyes that can pierce through you and look into your soul. A man with hair as black as midnight, styled into an undercut that no one but him can have perfectly. Skin a porcelain white, still beautiful despite the multiple scars he had from years of fighting. A guy with a conviction as hard as steel. A man who is hardened by life's hardships. A man that everyone looked up to.

But beneath all of those things, beneath that perfectly worn stoic mask, is a man that's full of scars from his past, a man who's in need of help but is too scared to show. A man who cares for all of his comrades, a man that hates having useless deaths. A man who carries all of his comrades' strength, profuse strength that it's weighing him down. A man that's so broken, so broken to the point where it looks unfixable. A man who built numerous walls around him to protect himself.

And that's why I loved him.

While I was growing up, I continued to see the people in my dreams in my daily life. It always confused and surprised me. Is that just coincidence? If it is then why did it happens so often?

And that's when I finally realized it. It's not just a dream that my mind created. It's my life. Before. And it's flashing in my mind, reminding me of the nightmare that is my life before.

I tried asking some of my friends-Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Marco, and many others-about it in subtle ways but it seems like I'm the only one who remembers. I figured out that it's better that way, them not remembering anything about that life. At least they won't need to see those horrible things.

What's bugging me though is the man that I loved in my past life-Levi as I can remember. Just thinking of him is enough to send my heart into a fast pounding pace. And it's enough for me to know that I love him. I still love him after all these years.

I've been searching for him since I was in high school but all those years are proved to be fruitless. There are plenty of times when I thought that I saw him just to approach the person and see that it isn't him. Every now and then there are times when I just want to give up but every time I did, a vision of his smile-the smile that he only showed in the most rarest and precious times-pop inside my mind and suddenly, all I want to do is to see and be with him again.

"Eren, wake up! You need to go to work in case you forgot about it." I groaned as another pillow hit me in the head, Armin's voice ringing inside my head. I sat up and wiped my eyes using my closed fists, willing all of the sleepiness away. I slept late last night-might as well say I slept in the morning-because Levi's face never left my mind. I kept on hearing his voice calling my name in a way that only he can do and it kept me up late.

"I'm already up, Armin. Thank you."

He replied something back but I didn't understand any of it, his voice sounding like he's deep underwater in my head. I just did my daily morning rituals like what I always did, not grabbing any breakfast. I always have my morning coffee in the nearest cafe near the office where I work at.

When I woke up that day, I never really expected something to happen. I thought that I'm just going to walk to work, grab my coffee along the way, work my ass off in front of the computer and papers, go home and take my time for myself before I go to sleep.

But all of that went out of the window when I saw a familiar man standing outside the cafe, a cup in hand while talking with someone through the phone. I felt my blood ran cold, my heart stopped beating and my breath was caught in my lungs. The guy that I've been searching for years is now just a few meters away from me. My feet got stuck in the cement, left me staring at his form like a mad man.

I didn't know what I did to break free from the trance I was in and found myself running towards him. I just pulled him into a tight hug without any warning, catching him off guard. He started yelling at me, letting me hear that deep voice he has that I love. I tighten my grip around him, feeling my cheeks started to get wet from the tears that came out like waterfalls.

"Oi, what the fuck do you think you're doing?! You shouldn't go hug random people-"

"Captain..." I felt his body froze when the word came out of my mouth. "Captain Levi..." I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in, feeling him in every way possible. My mind couldn't process the happening still, too surprised to see him randomly after many years of searching.

I heard his cup dropped when it slipped out of his loose grasp. His body slowly became unstiff and it didn't take long until I felt his arms around me. I reveled in the feeling of his touch, the touch that I've been longing for years.

"Captain Levi, it really is you. I finally found you." I let out a sob and hugged him tighter, not thinking about the possibility that I'm crushing his body. His body started shaking so I let go of him quickly but his hands stayed around me. That's when I realized that he's also crying.

"Eren, you shitty brat. I-I've been searching for you f-for so long...I didn't think that I'll see you again." His tears started to wet my shirt but I didn't mind. I just let him sobbed in my chest, not minding if we looked like crazy to others. Nothing else mattered except for the fact that we finally saw each other.

"We found each other now, Levi, and I want to continue what we left off before."

*****

It started there, we hang out, talk about our lives. Just like me, he also remembered everything from our past life. He started to have dreams when he was nine, and since then it never left him. He's still with Hange and Erwin, along with two of his friends who died before I got the pleasure to meet them.

_"Isabel and Farlan, that's their name. Farlan is a cool, intelligent guy. Isabel, on the other hand, is an energetic ball of sunshine and shits. Apparently, she reminded me of you."_

I also let him meet Armin and Mikasa as well as the others. Only the two of us can remember anything but it didn't bother us. What matter now is that we're together again, finally able to continue the story that both of us are making before we died.

He invited me to his house to meet the others and I happily agreed, wanting to finally meet the two others and see Erwin and Hange again. It's weird, not needing to call them "Commander" and "Squad Leader", but it's not unwelcome. It's reminding me that things are better now, that we're not living everyday with the fear of having death hanging over our heads.

"So, Eren, this is Hange, Erwin, Isabel, and Farlan." He gestured to the four people sitting on the couches across from ours. "Guys, this is Eren. Be nice to him." He pointedly glare at Hange.

"Aww, Levi! Don't be so mean to me!" Levi flipped them off with an eye roll, giving me a look that said "You're on your own now", before picking up a book.

"Hi, Eren! I didn't know that you're that cute!" The girl with the red hair tied in pigtails whose name is Isabel eyed me from head to toe. "Big bro there is always telling stories about you!"

Levi shot her a glare to shut her up but it isn't enough. Maybe he's right, she really is reminding me of myself. I smirked at him, giving him a playful look. "Is that true, Levi?"

"Shut the fuck up."

It earned him a laugh from us, and the introduction carried on. Erwin is still as formal as ever, Farlan really is a cool guy and I think that we'll get along pretty well, Isabel is just a quirky, optimistic girl and Hange, well, the usual Hange.

That day carried on well and I enjoyed every second of it. When the four of them left, only the two of us are left in his apartment. Then I remembered something.

Hange is still calling me "my little Titan", saying that it came from the book Levi is writing. What made it interesting is that he's writing a book from our past lives. When I asked him why, this is what he said:

"Even if it's too brutal and its future seemed to be so bleak, I don't want to forget any details of it." Confusion took over me and I took his chin in between my thumb and index finger to make him look at me.

"And why is that?"

Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh before slowly opening it again, staring at me with eyes full of adoration. "It's because that's when I met and fall in love with you."

*****

Time seems to move faster when we were together again. All I know is that we met in front of cafe, started dating and now it's already four months since we were together. We moved in together in an apartment which made me leave Armin. It's okay with him, saying he'll support me with whatever I want to do and when he told me that, I saw a knowing look hidden in those blue bright eyes of his.

The past four months are the best days of my life. Life went out blissfully. There were times when we have little misunderstandings but that wouldn't make me change the way of how I will describe the feeling of living with him under the same roof. It's perfect.

Sighing, I finished packing all of the things that we needed for camping and closed the car's trunk. I decided to take him out to fields and camp for our fourth month, considering that we both love stargazing. I went inside to see Levi passed out in the couch and I smiled softly at the sight.

"Levi, wake up. We need to get going."

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes, a small smile forming on his lips. The sight made my heart flutter fast like a hummingbird's wings. Pecking his lips, I helped him stood up.

"Let's go camping now, my love."

*****

We were sitting in front of the bonfire, huddled together in a blanket, Levi's head leaning on my shoulder as we watched the stars above us. The silence reigning over the air is comfortable, the only sounds that are heard are the occasional noise the crickets and the fire made.

"Hey, Eren." Levi's voice always had the same effect on me. It's like hearing your most favorite lullaby, the calming sound that sends you comfort. I replied with a hum, wrapping one of my arms around his waist. "Why do you even loved me?"

His question came in as a surprise and I quickly gathered myself. I tilted his head and made him look at me, my eyebrows knitted not because I'm mad but because I'm worried. Why would he even think of that question?

"Levi, I love you because you're you. My mother always told this to me, "If you love someone, you love them because you do. It shouldn't come with any reasons, it shouldn't come with any explanations. If you love someone because they are pretty or because they are intelligent, that's not love. But if you love someone and you don't know why, that's love," and I always believe in that. My love for you isn't biased by anything, I just _know_ that I love you." I leaned in and left a kiss on his lips. "Why did you ask?"

He shook his head and sighed, leaning his head on my shoulder once again. "Nothing.I'm just wondering."

I wrapped my arm around his waist again and kissed the crown of his head, taking in his scent. "You're worth loving, Levi."

"I love you, Eren..." his sentence gradually turned silent, unabling me to hear it. I looked at him and saw his eyes are closed and his breath is deep. He fell asleep.

I picked him up and went to inside the tent, laying him down before I laid beside him, spooning him and pulling the blanket to cover the both of us.

"Good night, Levi. I love you."

And I always will.

*****

Another three months had passed and nothing much changed, except that I noticed Levi having days of being too tired and weak to do anything. He's also experiencing headaches more often than not. I'm very worried about him but he always brushes it off like nothing and tell me not to worry too much. How could I not if he's like that? It's only natural for me to worry for him.

"Come on, Levi. It's impossible that your condition is nothing. It will be worse if you won't do a thing to stop it."

Levi sighed and set his cup down on the table, returning my gaze. "Eren, I'm okay. Don't worry too much, you shitty brat."

"Levi-"

"Eren." His voice sounded stern, enough to stop me. "I'm fine. Trust me."

And trust him I did.

*****

It's funny how life can suddenly make unexpected turns. I know that it doesn't like to play fair but I most certainly didn't expect to see Levi sitting on the couch, a blank look on his face with a bag on the floor beside his feet.

"Hey, Levi. How's your day?" I removed my shoes and went in further inside the house, making my way to him. I leaned down to kiss him but he avoided it. My eyebrows knitted automatically in response to my confusion. "What's wrong? Is there-"

"Let's break up." Three words shouldn't have that much of an effect to me but it did. My blood went cold and my heart stopped beating again. I stared at him with wide eyes, not believing what he said. Did I hear him right? He wanted to break up? With me? My eyes never left his face while he's looking down at the ground.

I let out a forced laugh, my emotions too messed up. "Levi, don't joke around, it's not-"

"I'm not joking, Eren. I want to break up with you."

"No, no no no. You're lying. You won't break up with me."

"Eren, don't you hear-"

His response snapped something inside of me. "I fucking heard it, Levi! I fucking heard it loud and clear!" He visibly flinched, and I panicked. "Shit, shit, fuck, I...I'm sorry, I-"

"Stop it, Eren. Stop apologizing. You shouldn't be the one apologizing. It's me who should."

I ran my hand through my hair and tugged my locks down, tears started to well-up in my eyes. What is this? Why the hell is this happening?

"Levi, is there something that I did wrong? Please, tell me. Please, please, please tell me. Did I mess up? Are you getting sick of me?" My voice sounded so strained that I didn't realize that it's mine. I can feel my heart starting to chip off, starting to crack as I stared at my lover. Or is he not?

"You've done nothing-"

"Then why, Levi? Why are you doing this to me?"

"I just don't want to be with you anymore. Even if I stay, it won't be the same as before. It'll be better if I leave."

My tears started to fall from my eyes, in sync with the intense pain I can feel in my chest. He don't want to be with me anymore? It will be better if he leave? Is he insane?

"Do you love me, Levi?"

I heard his breath hitched and somehow, I knew that this isn't easy for him. If it's not, then why is he doing this? Why is he hurting the both of us? Can't he see how much this is bring us pain?

The response that I waited from him never came. Only silence, silence that's so heavy and full of tension that's suffocating me. It's getting harder to breath and I tried to control my tears, to stop myself from crying but the tears never stopped.

"Answer me, Levi." I lifted my hand and took his chin gently, just like what I always do. He looked away to not meet my gaze despite us being face to face. The act made the nasty pain in my chest worsen. "Please Levi, I need to know."

He took a deep breath before he looked at me in the eye, his words felt like bullets shot straight to my heart. "No, Eren. I don't love you anymore."

My arms fell and my body sagged, my head shot down and left me staring at the floor. My heart shattered into a million pieces, my voice sounded so broken and pained. "I-is that so?"

"Sorry..."

"Don't be. It's not your fault that you stopped loving me."

"Eren-"

"Go. Just go. Before I won't let you."

He picked up his bag and started to walk away and I just watched him from my place, not having any strength or will to follow him. This is what he wants. I'm just going to give it to him. I don't want him to be stuck with the man he didn't love. It'll be better for him. I'd rather be the only one hurting.

"I loved you, Eren, but that's not the case this time. I'm sorry."

And with the sound of the door closing, he's out of my life.

*****

How many days had passed? Has it been days, weeks or months since he left? I never bothered to count it, life without him is useless anyway.

I'm alive but not living.

I decided to move in back with Armin but I couldn't do it despite how painful it is to live in the apartment we used to live in. I can still see him in every corner, reminding me of the times that I had with him, the times that I could never have the pleasure of experiencing again.

It hurts. Everything hurts.

I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I don't know if he's okay. It's like I never existed in his life before. Is he really that eager and desperate to forget about me? To bury everything we had in the past? Because I can't. I can't do it. I love him so much to even try to forget.

"Eren, you should go hang out with us."

"I'm not in the mood Mikasa." I kept my gaze on the floor, not looking up to look at her. I heard her sigh. I know that I'm worrying them but it's not like it's easy to act normal in my situation.

"Eren, I know that your situation is hard but you keeping yourself locked inside this house won't help you get better." She moved and went beside me, running her hand through my hair gently. "And you need to let it out, you know."

I leaned on her shoulder and closed my eyes, feeling my eyes starting to get wet with tears. It soon came after that, falling one after another. My broken sobs resounded in the silence and I felt her hand started to rub my back.

"I just don't get it, Mikasa. I don't get why he broke up with me. Is it that easy to fall out of love with someone? Maybe he got sick of me. Maybe- he just used it as an excuse to get away from me."

"His reasons didn't matter now, Eren. You'll get over him."

I wish I can. That way I wouldn't hurt this much.

*****

I started acting after that. I acted like I'm fine, acted like our breakup finally didn't have an effect on me, that I finally got over it but I didn't. I smile, laugh and hang out with them the way I did before but they didn't see past through that facade. That I'm still as broken as I did that night and I will never be back to how I used to before.

I stood in front of the mall, waiting for Mikasa and Armin. We planned to get ourselves some new clothes and eat outside together, only the three of us. I really didn't want to go but I still did just to avoid them worrying about my sorry ass.

When they arrived, we started to roam around. I talked with them, laughing and throwing jokes at each other when I bumped into someone.

"Sorry, I wasn't-" I was caught off when I saw who I bumped with. It was Levi, just thinner and paler than before. Worry bubbled up inside me at the sight. Why does he look like that? Is he sick?

"Levi, are you okay? What..." I trailed off when I saw Erwin walking fast towards us, towards Levi. The oh so familiar pain started assaulting me again. Did he broke up with me to be with Erwin?

"Levi, I told you not to- Eren." He looked shocked. I wanted to punch the look on his face. He clearly didn't expect for me to see him together with Levi. Anger started to take over me.

"Sorry but Levi and I have to-"

"Is this why you broke up with me, Levi?"

I felt Armin and Mikasa tugged my arms. "Eren," Mikasa's voice held a threatening tone, "don't, they're not worth it."

"Is it, Levi?!"

He flinched again and Erwin took a step forward, hiding Levi behind him. I scowled at him. "I'm talking to Levi."

"I don't think that it's a good idea-"

I punched him without waiting for him to finish. He stumbled and regained his balance before he looked back at me, glaring at me. He charged, punching me straight in the jaw. We exchanged fist after fist after that, not bothering to stop despite Mikasa and Armin telling us to.

Then Levi shouted. That's when we stopped. I released my grip on his shirt and pushed him away, watching as Levi came to his side. The anger suddenly got replaced by jealousy and hurt. I should be the one he went to aid to. Not him.

And then I remembered. We're not together. He isn't mine anymore.

With one last hateful look at the sight of Levi asking Erwin if he's okay, I turned and walked away.

It hurts. It fucking hurts.

*****

I didn't bother to act that I'm okay after that event. I go to work and go home, barely talking to anyone. It's just useless if I will keep on pretending. I'm just fooling myself.

The sight of them together haunts me, showing whenever I close my eyes. I don't want to see him with another guy, I just want him all by myself. But who am I fooling? He didn't want me. That's it. End of story.

I'm typing something on my computer when I heard my phone rang. I picked it up, my heart speeding up when I saw his name flashing on the screen. With shaking hands, I opened it, reading the message that shook my mind.

**From: Levi**

**15:26**

_I love you..._

I didn't reply, didn't know what to reply with his message. Is he playing with me? After telling me that he didn't love me he'll just send me a text randomly saying that he loves me?

I just continued to do my work, chanting the same thing to myself over and over.

"He doesn't love you."

Because if he did, he wouldn't hurt and leave me in the first place.

*****

Weeks after I received the message from Levi, I received a call from him. It made me sat up from my laying position on the couch, my heart beating so fast and loud I can hear it. Even though I'm telling myself that I would stop loving him, thinking of him, I can't. So I just let myself give in, tapping the answer button the screen and brought it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Eren..." There's something so wrong about his voice. It sounded so...weak. Weaker than he did before. It made me worry again, my heart beating so fast in anxiety.

"Levi? Are you okay? Why are you-fuck, where are you?"

"I'm in a hospital."

"What are you doing there? I'm worried about you, please tell me you're okay."

"I-I would lie to you if I tell you that I am okay. I don't want to lie to you again. Not this time."

"Tell me where you are. I want to see you."

"I'm here at Maria Hospital. I'll be waiting for you."

I ended the call and hurriedly grabbed my car keys. I have a bad feeling about this. Many thoughts and questions swam around my head, my mind full of worries for him. I drove fast, not minding if I'm driving over the speed limit. I just need to be beside him as soon as possible because by the way he talks, it's like he wants to say...goodbye.

I parked my car and ran to the hospital asking for his room number, sprinting to it as soon as possible. I saw Hange and Erwin talking outside his room, Erwin wearing a white lab coat. That's when it clicked. He's a doctor. He's Levi's doctor. They probably heard me running so they looked at me, sad and broken expressions on their faces.

"I need to see Levi."

"Just go inside."

I don't know what to expect when I opened the door and my heart was shattered into fine pieces when I saw him. There in the hospital bed lays Levi, even thinner and paler than before, a dextrose connected to him. The sight made my knees weak. Is he this sick? Why didn't he tell me?

"Levi..." He opened his eyes and gave me a weak smile. Using my weak knees I slowly walked to him, my eyes never leaving his face. I sat on one of the chairs beside his bed, lifting my arms to run my hand through his hair. "Levi, I missed you so much."

"Eren, I-I'm sorry." He stared at me and I saw how sorry he really is. He doesn't need to say it. I already forgave him. "I-I lied to you. I never unloved you, I-shit, I regret everything I said to you. I hate myself for hurting I- god, I'm so, so sorry."

"Shh, Levi. You don't need to. I already forgave you."

He started crying, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm just so scared that I thought that running away from you will make it better. It never did, I shouldn't have wasted my time and just spent every second of it with you."

"Levi, why are you here? What are you so scared of?"

"I-I'm dying, Eren." His words rang inside my head as my world started to crumble. Dying? Levi's dying? "I have brain cancer. It's already too late when it was diagnosed."

My heart clenched, sending waves of pain throughout my whole being. My throat felt too dry to even have the ability to speak but I still did. "Levi, why? You should've just told me."

"I didn't want to leave you if ever I die so I made the move. I left you. That way it wouldn't hurt you too much. I'm a coward, Eren."

I stood up and wrapped my arms around him, letting him sob in my chest. He continued saying sorry like a mantra and I kept on hushing him.

"I love you, Eren I always did."

"I know, Levi. I love you too.

I never left Levi's side after that. I took a break from work despite Levi telling me that it's not worth it but he's wrong. He's more than worth it.

"Eren, you shouldn't took a break from work just to be with me."

"Months are already wasted, Levi. I won't spend my time working with some shitty papers when I know that you're..." I didn't bother to finish the sentence, both of us very aware of what's supposed to follow. He's dying, I know that all too well. I just can't accept the fact that it's true, that our story wouldn't be finished once again. Is life that cruel to not let us have our happy ending?

"Sorry, Eren. Don't get the wrong idea, I love being with you." He took a deep breath and smiled at me. "Thank you for being with me."

"You're more than worth it, Levi."

As day after day passed, I saw how weaker and weaker he become. There are times when he won't respond to me like he didn't hear me, there are times when I'll just hear him groaning and crying because of the pain.

It hurts me just as much as it did to him. I wanted to do anything to lessen the pain, I would even take all of it if I can. I knew that he wanted to give up, to succumb to the comfort death can give him but he didn't. And I know that it's because of me. He doesn't want to leave me. He doesn't want to hurt me again.

But I know that sooner or later, I need to. I don't want him to endure the pain any longer. It will hurt but it'll be for the best. He doesn't deserve any of the pain.

I'm sitting on the bed with my back against the wall, Levi situated in front of me. He was leaning against my chest while playing with my fingers and I nuzzled my nose on the crown of his head. I caught his hand and laced our fingers together before taking a deep breath.

"Hey, Levi."

"What is it?"

"Is the pain unbearable? Does it hurt so bad?"

He nodded, bringing my hand up to his lips and kissing each knuckles. "I don't mind it, though. All of the pain's worth it when I'm with you."

"No, it's not." His grip on my loosened and I can feel his body becoming slack against mine. I kept on kissing his head, the pain in my chest slowly starting to get even worse. "It's not worth it if you're the one who's suffering."

I don't want him to leave me. I want him by my side until we grow old and weak, I want to live my life with him but I know that I can't. I'm not selfish enough to watch him be a slave to his sickness just so I can be with him longer.

"Are you afraid to die, Levi?"

"No, I'm only afraid that I'll hurt you. I don't want that."

"Don't." I shifted his body, leaning him on the left side if my body as I take his face in my hand. "Don't be afraid about the fact that you'll hurt me. It'll happen at some point, it's inevitable."

"Eren, what are you saying?" His voice sounded so weak and fragile, like a bit of force will cause it to break. It sent a sharp pang in my chest and I couldn't help but close my eyes at the pain. Am I really able to let him go?

I should. He should be free from all of those pains he's suffering. This is the best thing I can do for him besides from loving him.

"It's okay, Levi. Don't worry about me. You've suffered enough and it should end. I..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as if it will be the last I would take. I couldn't say it... I couldn't.

"Eren...?" But then I opened my eyes to look at Levi, him looking at ease after all those months of pain and suffering because of his sickness. And in that sight I knew that he's only waiting for me to accept it, waiting for me to let go. Maybe this is the right choice. And for him, I will say it.

"It's okay, Levi. You're free now. I-I'm letting you go." It took all of me to stop myself from crying the moment I saw him smile. He looked so happy, like he's so glad that the pain will finally end. Maybe he really is.

"Thank you, Eren. I... I'll always love you. Keep that in that small brain of yours, shitty brat."

"I will, and I'll see you in another life, my love." I smiled back at him and leaned in for a kiss, the last kiss that we'll be sharing. Another kiss that will end the story we have in this life.

I felt his grip on my hand loosened, his breath stopping from hitting my skin. I let my tears break from its confine, letting it roll my cheek and drop to his pale skin.

I hugged him tightly, sobbing as I feel his warmth starting to lose. "I'll always love you too, Levi."

*****

It's been three days since Levi died and now I'm standing in front of his grave, staring at the granite tile in which his name is engraved. I never felt this hollow before, like there's a large hole left in the middle of my chest.

"Sorry for not telling you about his condition, Eren." Hange and Erwin kept on apologizing to me. I'm mad at them at first but I let it go eventually. It isn't their fault. It's what Levi had wanted.

"I told you it's okay." I didn't bother to look at them, keeping my gaze straight at the ground. Are you happy now, Levi? You're going to wait for me, right?

A cold breeze went by but instead of shivering, I felt some form of comfort within me. He answered me. And for that I'm glad.

"He's been such a good friend. He's rude and his toilet jokes are the worst but I couldn't ask for a better friend than him. He won't be forgotten."

"Yeah."

"Oh." I heard some shuffling and they handed me a paper. I looked at the paper before looking up to meet their eyes. "Levi told me to give that to you after he passed away." They smiled at me and clamped a hand at my shoulder.

"I'll see you again soon, Eren. Hopefully everything's fine by then."

They left and now I'm the only one left in the place. I opened the paper and my eyes are met with Levi's handwriting.

' _Hey brat,_

_If you're reading this, I'm most probably gone by now._

_Don't ever blame or doubt yourself for not being a good boyfriend because you certainly are. I couldn't ever wish for more but life has another plan. We were taken away from each other again. But still, I'm thankful that I saw you in this life because if not, I probably would've passed away lonely.'_

I didn't notice that I was crying except for the way my eyes blurred. I didn't think that someone can die happily but he did. And he's telling me that it's because of me that he didn't pass away lonely.

I wanted to laugh, to cry, to get mad at the world in the same time. I just don't get it. Is the pain we experienced in our past life isn't enough for us to be spared now? What kind of sick joke is this?

I continued to read and I can hear his words in my head, like he's saying to me directly.

' _I'm sorry for hurting you. I shouldn't have lied to you and just spend all of my time with you. But all of that is in the past now. We can't get back to it no matter how much we want to. I just want you to know that I'm very glad that I met you again. Even if it's just for a short amount of time, I was able to be loved by you again. Did I ever tell you that it's the most pleasant feeling? If not, then there I said it._

_We may not be together for a very long time but it's still perfect for me. I love and I always will, no matter how many times we'll be reborn. I'll wait for you, Eren. So please don't forget me._

_Until then, my love._

_Levi'_

I won't forget you, Levi. And we will meet again. I promise you.

Yes, that's it. Until then, my love.


End file.
